Which Lie Did I Tell?

I can't write, so I'm writing here instead.

Here's the deal -- I "finished" a screenplay that I plan on submitting to a few screenwriting competitions. Sundance Screenwriting Workshop, Nicholl's Fellowship, Final Draft's Big Break, and Austin Film Festival's Screenplay contest. In addition, I'm going to use it to apply for the Texas Filmmaker Production Fund. The thing is that it's not as easy as just writing a script, filling out an application, paying the fee, and mailing it off. Not that writing a script is easy by an stretch. And I guess some competitions are like that, but others demand more. I have to write a 2 page synopsis of the script, a cover letter, and resume/bio just to enter the Sundance Workshop. Doesn't sound that difficult, but trying to summarize a 120 page script into just 2 pages -- double spaced -- isn't exactly easy.

And trying to sell myself and the script in letters and bios and resumes...? Well, that's not that easy either. Especially right now. There's a moment when you first finish a script when you feel accomplished, triumphant, joyous... Then the doubt starts creeping in. Is this good? Will people like it? Did I just waste 4 years of my life? (That's when the idea first came to me. I've really only been writing it on "paper" for a few months.) In other words, your self-esteem takes a big hit. What's worse is that I gave the screenplay to a few close friends to read and give me feedback, and I still haven't heard from any of them. Not that I think that means it's so bad that don't want to tell me. And I know they have lives, and it's hard to set aside a couple of hours to sit and read... But still, everyday that passes, I just feel more and more stuck. I can't really do anything else to the script until I get feedback. I've read it so many times, it doesn't mean anything to me. I can't see the forest for the trees. So I don't know if it's good or bad. But I know it needs work in places. And that's what kills. Knowing that I'm running out of time (deadlines are May 1st), and there's nothing to fix. I know I'm going to have to probably just submit what I have, knowing there are flaws and just hope that it's good enough.

There's just a lot of pressure on me right now. My funds are all but dry, I don't have a job, I've got student loans to pay every month, and I'm about to drop about $200 on these contests that may not yield any results worth mentioning. But I have to do it. I have to. I have to make this movie. I know that. I need to make it. And having a little prize money or recognition would certainly help. But what if it's all for nothing? It'll hurt to be sure, but I've dealt with the rejection that comes with the business even this far down the ladder.

I attended the Austin Film Society's workshop on the TFPF a couple of days ago. I went last year, but didn't really have anything to apply for. This year, I had my script. Of course, even with just a script, I pretty much have to come up with my entire budget and production schedule before June 2nd. (I'm not even planning on shooting until the summer of '09!) Something I've never done. I think my most expensive movie to date was about $200. I know people put thousands of dollars into their short films, but I've never been able to commit to that. I just couldn't see the point. If I'm going to raise that kind of money, I'd rather put it towards a feature. And I've suffered somewhat for that choice. None of my shorts have really taken off. "Anniversary" doing the best by screening at a couple of small film festivals and on IFC.

But I guess, I shouldn't blame budget for that. The stories are what they are. Still, I think there's a strange stigma when it comes to budget. Have you ever tried to ask an indie filmmaker how much their budget was? They skate around it like they were Nancy Kerrigan or something. Most never want to declare it. Probably for the fear of someone saying "You spent that much on that?" It's going to be an interesting application process that's for sure.

The workshop was hosted by Brian Poyser. A filmmaker himself. He had his movie Dear Pillowscreened at last year's Lone Star International Film Festival. He also won an award. He's a cool guy. I talked to him briefly after the workshop. Only four filmmakers showed up (that's including me, and two were partners). So, we got what boiled down to one-on-one treatment.

This is just a big pile of words, but I'm okay with that.

West and Clear posted a video I edited for the 2007 Prairie Fest. This year's fest is a little more than a week away, so they're trying to promote it.

The Green Eyed Monster truck broke down again in Arizona. Looks like it's the starter. Gabe'll get it fixed, but it's going to cost.

I'm watching Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Five points to the person that can link it to the title of this blog.